Blogger Blitz round one: Mail Delivery

Round one of the Blogger Blitz competition, hosted by the lovely Ian over at Adventure Rules, started last Monday. Congratulations to LightningEllen and sponsored video game character Lightning Farron for winning the Retail Rumble challenge in the first match!

The Secret of Monkey Island, video game, Guybrush Threepwood, pirate, man, surprised

The next takes place today and features yours truly with Guybrush Threepwood and his sarcastic wit by my side. We’ll be going up against Luke from Hundstrasse and Claire Redfield in a battle called Mail Delivery: who can deliver mail the fastest while fending off Cerberus, the three-headed hound of Hell?

You can find out more about the Blogger Blitz on the Adventure Rules site or by checking out my post from last week. There’s nothing more to say except good luck to Luke and thank you to Ian – and let battle commence!

Mail Delivery: my answer

We all know there’s nothing pirates love more than a big mug of grog in the Scumm Bar followed by a drunken brawl. But there’s something that can make that beverage a little tastier and get the party started quicker: an upbeat sea-shanty! So grab your tankard, poor yourself a drink from the kitchen while the cook isn’t looking, and join me in a rowdy singalong.

*clears throat*

To the tune of SpongeBob SquarePants (sorry but it’s the only sea-shanty I know):

Who’d make a great mailman, from the Isle of Mêlée?
Guybrush Threepwood!
A master of sword-fighting, thievery and treasure-huntery!
Guybrush Threepwood!
Sorting the mail is a job he’d do well,
Guybrush Threepwood!
Even when chased by the hound from Hell!
Guybrush Threepwood!

A risk postmen face is getting lost and confused
Guybrush Threepwood!
But not so the case for this awesome dude!
You know how this goes!
He looks at his map to find his way around
So you get your mail, all safe and sound.

And if off the route, our hero does stray
Don’t panic ‘cos help isn’t too far away!
He’ll pay a quick visit to the Voodoo Lady
For advice and a doll that looks rather shady

Next up is handling that Cerberus mutt.
It looks like a dangerous challenge but
Three-headed creatures are nothing to fear:
Just like that monkey, they soon disappear.

Guybrush saved petals from his time on Mêlée
So give him some meat and his plan’s underway!
Just like those damn poodles at Elaine’s big old house
Cerberus sleeps, as harmless as a mouse.

The biggest challenge is ahead of him yet:
That Redfield’s a clever one, on that you can bet.
But the dreaded LeChuck was no match before,
So handling this foe is just a small chore!

Forget the root beer, he needs a way to distract…
Something to give him the edge in this match…
Guybrush draws his sword, takes a big bow…
Then politely tells Claire that she fights like a cow!

In the resulting confusion, he makes his escape
And miles of headway in front it creates!
With his mailbag, map and rubber chicken in hand,
He delivers the mail all over the island.

To make sure that Redfield stays in the dust
Using the Voodoo Lady’s doll is a must.
Some carefully-placed pins, a stab here and there…
And that’s the last Guybrush sees of the dastardly Claire!

The Secret of Monkey Island, video game, Blogger Blitz, competition, pirate, mailman, Guybrush Threepwood,, lookout

But if that fails and he has to move fast…
What will give his speed a quick blast?
The answer is simple, and it’s one clever trick:
Just pull out your mouse and then double-click!

Guybrush Threepwood,
Guybrush Threepwood,
Guy-brush… ThreepWOOOOOOOD!

“I’m Guybrush Threepwood, mighty mailman!”

Good luck, Luke!

I know I’ve gone a little over the top with the Monkey Island references here, but if you’re going to do something you may as well do it properly! Still, I’ve provided links in my answer above to help those judges who may not have played the games already so it makes a bit more sense.

Be sure to check out Luke’s answer on Hundstrasse later today. He’s a very talented writer and an extremely worthy competitor, so I’m feeling rather nervous indeed… he’s a bit of a legend and a thoroughly nice bloke who deserves your follow. The results of this match will be announced over on Adventure Rules on Friday and you can stay up to date on the Blogger Blitz competition by following Ian on Twitter and Facebook.

24 thoughts on “Blogger Blitz round one: Mail Delivery

    • I tried really hard to write a ‘serious business case’ and it just wasn’t working out, so I thought I’d do something completely un-serious instead! Good luck for your post this evening – although based on your weekly QOTM tweets, I know you won’t need it. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  1. “Then politely tells Claire that she fights like a cow!” I just about died laughing! 😂

    This was amazing! Great job and I loved the sea-shanty style. Good luck and I can’t wait to read Luke’s post.

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. Reblogged this on Adventure Rules and commented:
    The second match of the Blogger Blitz is under way, and this week our competitors are simply racing to see who can deliver mail the fastest. Easy, right? Well, it would be if not for Cerberus, the ferocious three-headed hellhound! Kim of Later Levels makes her argument for why Guybrush Threepwood would overcome this challenge, so go check it out and be sure to come back Thursday when I share the post from her competition!


  4. Sorry I’m late. Just came over from Hundstrasse’s post. Both of you did an amazing job. I kept the Spongebob tune through to the end. I love how you made your entry feel like a swashbuckler’s song. I can see pirates in taverns from here to there raising their glasses in the air and singing this tune in memory of Guy! I’m off to read the results but I think you both did an amazing job!

    -Luna 🙂


  5. I loved the sea-shanty! I’m finally reading everyone’s arguments. I felt like I should wait until after I posted so I didn’t gain an unfair advantage. I love how you made this completely unique and focused on the skills your character would use. Very cleverly written and a good effort!


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